Were you there...

One cannot love without suffering. He [Jesus] showed us this very clearly upon the cross, where He was consumed for love of us. And it is still the same every day in the Blessed Sacrament of the Altar... Since love makes lovers one in likeness, if we love, let us model our lives on His. -- St Margaret Mary 

Jesus' road to calvary is a journey of love. He bore the insults from his people, endured the crowning of thorns and scourging from the soldiers, carried the weight of humanity's sins, and was nailed to and died on the cross as an act of love for his children. but he did not travel this road alone. along the way, women wept for him, veronica wiped his face, Simon helped carry his cross, and Mary shared a tender moment with him. during his final hour, his mother and beloved disciple grieved at the foot of the cross. If we imagine life as our road to calvary, we too are never alone in our suffering as Jesus Emmanuel is always with us.  We feel his presence most during our stumbles and falls because it is during those times we realize we cannot always carry all the load life presents by ourselves. In our frailty, Jesus weeps with us, wipes our faces, and carries our crosses if we offer it to him. All the while, he desires to help us so that he may lead us to his kingdom, that we may not carry our crosses in vain without purpose and direction, and so we pray:

Dear Merciful Jesus Christ,

I grieve that my thoughts, actions, and apathy contributed to the nails driven into your hands and the lance piercing your side. and yet, Lord, you lovingly accepted it all for me. I imagine being on the side of the road as you pass by with your cross and saying to you, "Lord Jesus, I am so sorry. please forgive me." You gaze tenderly at me and reply, "You did not know what you were doing." but dear Jesus, I now know. I understand the weight of my transgressions and with each offense i am creating distance between you and me. Let not my sins drive a wedge between us, o Lord, but rather an opportunity to cry out to you and embrace you as you are always ready to lift me up. Give me the grace to accept my brokenness and inevitable sufferings as a pathway to your kingdom, and in realizing, that to live is to suffer, help me to be an instrument of your compassion to others who also suffer. Help me to be a Veronica and a Simon, so that in the end, all of our roads to calvary will be a journey of love and lead us to the foot of your cross.

-God's beloved

Healing...

When a soul has been cleansed, and the Lord is on intimate terms with it, it begins to apply all its inner force in striving after God. Yet the soul cannot do anything of itself. God alone arranges everything... --St Faustina (119)

        

          Healing presumes a wound and not necessarily a physical wound; wounds could include scares on various levels: emotional, spiritual, etc. If not born from our own sin, they typically result from that of others before us; however unless confessed and offered to Jesus, they breed more. In fact, I would say the hardest wounds to mend are the invisible ones. We may not even realize we’ve been wounded until years later when we fall (sin) because of it, notice a trend of repeat mistakes (e.g., addiction, unhealthy relationships, etc.), or when the scar negatively impacts others. 

Thus, in order for healing to begin, we must first not only recognize the wound but also confront its source. Piece of cake, right? I wish! Think about a time when you decided to ignore an oncoming cold; deadlines at work were looming and you felt pressured to push through and ignore the symptoms. If you’re like me, you hate being sick because it slows you down, but ultimately if you ignore the larger issue (lack of relaxation, regular diet and exercise, and sleep) it just prolongs the illness. Either that or you relapse. Likewise, for some spiritual and emotional wounds (i.e., no father figure), it’s taken years for me to recognize and confront. Why? Because it’s so much easier to run away (e.g., end the relationship, leave the country, quit the job, move out), blame someone else, or drown our sorrows in worldly pleasures (e.g., alcohol, smoking, sex, drugs, shopping). Besides, isn’t that what society tells us: Seek pleasure not pain. 

Personally, I’ve fallen many times in that trap. But does the hurt go away or the problems vanish? No, they just fester. We must confront our deepest pains, unveiling the source of our wound tree; otherwise, we’re doomed to a ripple effect. How many times do we repeat past mistakes because we failed to address the deeper issue and inspect our spirit? In fact, sometimes the longer we deny the larger issue, the harder it is to heal. After constantly running into brick walls, it’s easy to fall into despair. That’s why I thank God every day for my upbringing as a Catholic and for those who remained steadfast in their prayer during my tribulations. Why? Because as Catholics, we are taught that Jesus Christ died on the cross to heal us; He loves us that much and never abandons us to fight our demons alone, even in our darkest hour. 

As 1Peter 2:24-25 states:

           "He himself bore our sins in his body upon the cross, so that, free from sin, we might live for righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you had gone astray like sheep, but you have now returned to the shepherd and guardian of your souls."

This means that the second step to healing is to surrender to Him.  Trust me, that’s hard, especially when, like me, you think you’re invincible and self-sufficient. Admitting weakness and accepting help is so hard. I’m very stubborn, so this took me quite some time with several falls and repeat offenses. The third step is to ask God for the grace to forgive ourselves and forgive others. How embarrassing and humbling it is to eat your words when you play self-righteous hypocrite and judge others for the same offense! Finally, the last step to complete the healing process is acknowledging our need for God and the Church (our community). Especially in a society that values independence and self-reliability, how many times have you deemed yourself strong enough to battle sin alone but then fall? For me, many. 

Healing not only takes time and lots of penance, but also hurts because it entails facing all those demons you avoided (i.e., enemies, vices, weaknesses, etc.); that’s why so many avoid it. However, take heart. Father knows best; that’s why He sent His only Son to endure the pains in company and heal us for a bigger glory. Rejecting surrender only breeds more hurt while suffering with Him leads to rebirth and strength to live righteously and do His will. It’s either life with Him or death without Him. 

-- Erica

More thoughts for meditating on healing

Catholic Prayer For Healing

Lord, look upon me with eyes of mercy, may your healing hand rest upon me, may your life giving powers flow into every cell of my body and into the depths of my soul, cleansing, purifying, restoring me to wholeness and strength for service in your Kingdom. Amen. 

Isaiah 53:4-5

"But he was pierced for our offenses, crushed for our sins, Upon him was the chastisement that makes us whole, by his stripes we were healed."

http://www.catholic.org/clife/lent/story.php?id=33222

Lost and Found...

"How happy I am to see myself imperfect and to be in need of God's mercy." -- St Therese of Lisieux

I love the story of the Prodigal Son. It is a favorite of mine because it so clearly shows unconditional love and how God in his mercy can love in and through everything. What's so interesting to me about the story as well is that the son essentially asked his father if he could squander his life and the father just let the son go. Now I don't think he was a bad father for doing that--I think he was a wise father. I think he knew that there are some people who only learn from doing. They have to touch everything and experience everything without even knowing that that is there goal. I think the father waited, prayed, and hoped, knowing that God does not disappoint. He waited knowing that like the money he gave to his son will get spent up, so, also, the world would lose its luster. 


When the son finally lost everything, the one thing he remembered was his father's house. The Son remembered his roots knowing that, there is no disappointment there. There is love there. That if he made the effort (by God's grace) he could find a place there again. That even though he abused the father's love and used him and deceived him, that he was still his blood, and that no matter the bad he did--he could still have a place to call home. The bottom line is that no matter the sin--no matter the damage done, he felt that he could some how come back to the father. The father left his arms open and let the son go. I'm sure the father was in pain and he was sad and that he pleaded for his sons life from God, but he also knew that God's ways were not his ways, and that God somewhere, somehow allowed this son of his to hurt him knowing that there was a greater purpose to come.


God has a funny way of building virtue, greater love, and bringing healing to our hearts. It does not always come packaged very pretty. Sometimes he gives us a crown of thorns and well, all I want to say to Jesus is: "umm, excuse me I did not ask for this---or can you give me a crown that may not prick as much!"  He gives us what we need and not what we want. So why do people walk away from God? I don't know. I feel that we deceive ourselves and others for an illusive experience. What we are all seeking is love and I believe that is what is being sought in the world. It can just never be a love without limits.

So what does all this have to do with all of those who don't leave....like the other son.  We labor and do our part...Is that son better or worse then the other son?  The other son who stayed back worked hard and labored for the father, but where was his heart and his understanding of love and mercy. He wanted his own share of his father's kingdom and really could care less that his wayward brother came home. He was resentful of the fact that he does work hard and asks for nothing...his brother squanders everything and comes back to a feast...I can see where the other son gets a little bit annoyed.  He needed to realize that he is not loved for the things that he does.  He needed to find a freedom in knowing that his work does not make him worthy of the Father's love but that the Father's love is freely given and we must be free and open to receive it. 


Both sons were longing to understand the father's love in there hearts.  One experienced by leaving, one experienced by staying. Both of them experienced that it is love that needs to be the foundation in us, it is love that must be our goal, it is love that must always be what reminds us that no matter the sin, no matter the damage, no matter the hurt we personally experience, we always have a home in the heart of the Father.