Life is pretty simple--it's usually me who complicates it!
Why? Because I am not in control of it! I think that life is pretty simple, but I always think that if I know anything, life is better. To be perfectly honest, life is not always better when you know things. They say knowledge is power and although there is truth to that, I feel that the more knowledge I have the less open I am to be free of expectations.
God needs an open heart and an opportunity to make himself free to move as he pleases in our lives--even if that means all my plans fall right on their heads (which is usually what happens in my case) So life--why do I want to be in so much control of it? Why can I not just live and let live? Why can I not just accept what I cannot change? For me, the answer has a lot to do with, change. The changes that I have to make, especially in my perspective. I have to say that I like to look at life the way that I like to look at it and wish people could just see it that way (I mean wouldn't life be better-- :D just kidding)
Anyway, being that I have to change my perspective drives me crazy, because I don't want to have to change, I don't want to have to be the bigger person--I want to see everything the way that makes me feel better about me--basically I like to look at life the way that I can handle it--whoops here comes that control again! I get angry because I don't want to live life on life terms, but mine.
This causes the anger, frustration, turmoil in my interior at times--that I am not getting what I think I want or deserve to or what I think I am entitled too--Life is not moving the way I want it to!
So what do i do? I have to learn to let go and let God. I have to learn that if things are not going my way or are not to my liking or to my expectation level, it is what is best for me. What a concept? A dear friend of mine always reminds me that I am exactly where I am suppose to be. That is so hard to believe in the midst of the hard times. In the midst of the times where I can hardly breathe, when my interior is undergoing a major overhaul, and when life seems like it's standing still!! I can't tell you how many times I have been there and I am still there. The key to all of it is that to remind myself in that moment that I have choices and can do something loving for myself. Also that I am in the midst of all the hard times because a growth spurt is on its way! It 's hard to get a clear picture of that, when all you see is yourself in the midst of suffering. But life can always look sweeter when we seek Our Lord--even when we cannot see him, feel him, or can really experience him at all.
I think of the scripture when Peter asked our Lord that if that was Him walking on water that Peter could come to him and be able to do the same. Our Lord said to Peter to come--and Peter walked on water--the second he took his eyes off our Lord and looked to himself, he began to sink!!! That is us--we ask our Lord to help us and all he wants is for us to trust him and surrender to his will, wherever it may lead, and the second we think we got it, we freak out and are back to square one. We continue to suffer because we have not let go! We continue to rely on our strength to move mountains, when our Lord has a storehouse filled with grace so as to undergo all he is calling us to.
Life is a pretty simple gift when we are ready to surrender and resign to the way that it is being dealt out to us. I think that it is said best when "we resist, God persists." God has so much planned for every single one of us, so the longer we wait to surrender the longer it will take to actualize that plan. All we need is to be willing to let go and let God. God will always supply for us what we are lacking--I think that is why we don't know it all, so that we will always depend on Him and not on ourselves. All we must do is ask, seek and knock--the door will open--maybe not the way we thought it would, but it will!
But we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance,and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope,and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been given to us.--Romans 5:3-5
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