The Road

If human love does not carry a man beyond himself, it is not love. If love is always discreet, always wise, always sensible and calculating, never carried beyond itself, it is not love at all. It may be affection, it may be warmth of feeling, but it has not the true nature of love in it. -- Oswald Chambers


This quote makes me think of all that God calls me to and how God is always calling to be more than I can ever see myself becoming!  That is so hard.  I always think I'm okay and then boom, God's like, oh wait there's more! Love is that more and it will always carry me beyond anything that I can see for myself.   It is hard because it does call me away from my woundedness and fear.  Love takes me beyond because it takes me away from my ego and all my self-centeredness.  It calls me to draw from that place that only God can provide.  God can only give to me the ability to make me love that much more or at all in any moment.


I find that in my own life I have struggled with a lot of woundedness that has caused me to stay in a state  of fear.  That fear kept me safe and protected but not very happy! If I want to be open to love completely I have to risk the fact that I could suffer and be hurt.  I just don't want to continue to go through all that.  I want to live without pain and suffering--wouldn't that be nice! But as St Gemma Galgani says: If you really want to love Jesus, first learn to suffer, because suffering teaches you to love. Suffering teaches love...hmmm...oh there is that irony again! Although it makes sense.  If I have suffered then I have compassion and if I have compassion then I love because I know the other side now! My heart needs to be broken to learn to love! My heart needs to experience a bad relationship to know what a good one is! My heart needs to have a few battle scars to remind me that love is not easy but it is worth the fight! 


Also when I realize that ultimately it is not the road that caused the accident, but carelessness of a person behind the wheel of another car or my own carelessness, I realize that I can't give up the road for the sake of safety! I can be careful, follow the road rules and trust myself from my experience driving!! This analogy paints a beautiful picture of love and brokenness. Of pain that causes a lack of trust! The fear of knowing that anything can happen, even if you are a good driver.  I can't give up the road because that is the road that I need to get me to where I will ultimately end up!! The road to love.