The Mountain Top

Give me all of you!!! I don't want so much of your time, so much of your talents and money, and so much of your work. I want YOU!!! ALL OF YOU!! I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man or woman, but to KILL IT! No half measures will do. I don't want to only prune a branch here and a branch there; rather I want the whole tree out! Hand it over to me, the whole outfit, all of your desires, all of your wants and wishes and dreams. Turn them ALL over to me, give yourself to me and I will make of you a new self---in my image. Give me yourself and in exchange I will give you Myself. My will, shall become your will. My heart, shall become your heart. --C. S. Lewis

So i went to mass today and as the priest spoke of the readings in the homily he specifically spoke of the mountain top theme that was all over the readings. Abraham walking up the mountain to sacrifice his only son and Jesus taking Peter, James and John up the mountain top to see Him transfigure before them.

The interesting part was how Father showed how in both readings their was an experience of transfiguration on the mountain top. How when Abraham reached his destination he proceeded to do what he was told, God’s will, and in that moment was asked to stop and not take his son’s life.  So in his attempt to do what he understood God’s will to be for him, God stopped him only to bless him in his act of faith and in turn Abraham was transfigured by his experience. 

I think to myself, how hard it is to climb that mountain top at any point in time and how, and as Father put it, it is a test of trust.  

And as I climb I get so tired and frustrated wondering day in and day out, have I lost my mind to walk this road upward like this? Have I lost my mind to say yes to God and act in such a way that requires a certain amount of suffering? The answer is yes I have lost my mind and what I am asking God to do is slowly but surely help me see as he sees and love as he loves.  I cannot do that with my mind...I have to lose mine for his.  I have to give up what I know, for what he knows. I have have to die to myself and do what my heart is calling me to and not necessarily what I think feels good.  Feeling good, does not bring transfiguration--death to self and pushing through what is comfortable is what brings about change and strength.

I am sure that Abraham was not happy with what God was asking of him, but he knew that God was calling him to more and and he knew that God knew best.

Transfiguration, or transformation brings only new life in Him who is calling you to take that risk and die to what you know feels comfortable. 

This time of year can almost be a bit scary--I think, I let go of something that may or may not have a hold on me for 40 days, or rather I add something in my life that changes the way I live.  Both call us to change--a change I do not see the outcome of.  I think from the first moment that lent starts, and we make a forty day commitment, we are attempting to transform--we fall in our attempt, but so did Christ on his way up the mountain top.  He actually fell three times -- he knows that the way up is painful, trying and hard, but he knows that his grace is sufficient.  He knows that as he called upon his own Father in his anguish--we too are to call upon the Father in those moments where lent gets way to hard and the journey to our calvary is way more painful than expected.

Transformation is scary, but it is a process and I think lent does a pretty good job of gauging where we are at in our spiritual lives.  It gives a pretty good read on how we treat ourselves in these times when we fall.  I know for me, I use to beat myself up more, but the reality is, I am human and I am going to fall and I am not gonna get it right all the time--it is not about getting it right all the time, it is about getting it.  It makes me laugh that even in my sacrifices I am prideful, wanting to get it perfect and make this 40 days like there is a grade that I am shooting for, or at then end of the 40 days there is a pizza party or I am trying to attain gold stars or something. haha!! Not at all....we give things up and attempt to draw closer to Christ--heck it might be harder to add things onto your life, because making time for God is not the priority it needs to be. 

That is the point of lent--to draw closer to Christ--to walk with him this road to calvary--to attempt to feel with him, every lash of that whip and thorn from the crown and nail on the cross. The point is that we draw more intimately in relationship with Our Lord, so that nothing in this world will ever be a hindrance to that loving relationship--the only relationship that matters.