You are worth more than these...

Hardship often prepares an ordinary person for an extraordinary destiny.  -- CS. Lewis

I often wonder why life has to hurt as it does.  I believe there is great joy in this world to be had and to be lived but I also believe that we must endure great suffering to get there. So why must life hurt even though there is so much joy? Well the obvious reason is we must suffer. True--we must struggle with monetary needs, we must endure the people around us, who are such virtue builders in our lives ;) -- we must suffer through the death of a loved one, a break up, and so much more. But in this entry I am deep calling to deep here and say that there is much more that we need to endure. That there is much suffering that takes place underneath and inside each one of us. 

My experience recently has lead me to see such suffering.  I had been angry for a while now and really not knowing why I was.  In fact I had no idea that I was so upset until it was brought out of me today.  I did not understand why life was going as it was and that honestly, as good as it was going I was still hurting inside. I was still trying to understand what I could not--"Why does God allow us to face such things when He knows that it is not good for us to be in the midst of it?" Now this can be understood in light of relationships--why am I amongst crappy people or why do the people I meet not people I need to date or be around? Also it can bring up, why does God put in a position at a job which is no good for me.  In other words-- why does God allow us to be where his perfect will is not?  It's an interesting question which I touched upon tonight in prayer.

As I prayed and cried out to God in understanding I heard the word healing--and I heard "the refiners fire" Joy can only be felt through knowing some sort of pain--when I say joy, i mean true joy, from the depths. I realized that we are allowed to walk outside the parameters of His perfect will so that we can find our way to it. It's as if all that stuff he doesn't want for us helps us heal and get to the core of who we are.  I believe that it makes real to others and ourselves and most especially makes us real before God. There is an old song that says "refiners fire, my hearts one desire, is to be holy, set apart for you Lord." Wow, that makes a whole lot more sense today then it ever did when I sang it a hundred times before.  To be set apart we must be refined in the fire -- if holiness and intimacy with Christ is what we long for then we most certainly need refinement.

The interesting part is that in the end it was all part of his perfect will for you! That his allowed will and perfect will worked side by side to get you to exactly where you are today--real before God. He does not want what you think you are--he wants what HE thinks you are to be what you see.  HE wants you to be you and nothing less.  I found that I kept hearing from scripture " you are worth more than these.." That is from Matthew 6:26: Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? 

So he has got me, whether I understand why life can hurt so much or not--he has me and knows what he is doing--for you are worth more than these and there is no need to worry only to be willing to accept the pain and endure the journey--for there is always joy and lots of it to be had--but there will always be refinement so that we can get to where he longs for us to be, heaven!!!